Butterflies

You guys, it’s AUGUST. In Florida, you can count on at least two things in August: miserable heat and back-to-school everything. No lie, I get butterflies in my stomach when I see store displays of backpacks and binders, stacks of single subject spiral notebooks, and all those perfect yellow boxes of Crayola crayons. SWOON. Even as a student (heck, even as a TEACHER) I've always loved back-to-school time.  It’s just filled with so much possibility!

But now I’m sitting here at midnight, 7 days before our official first day of school, and I've got the other butterflies. The ones that echo doubt and uncertainty and flutter around until you’re too nervous to sleep. Because in 1 week my daughter starts kindergarten and I’m so excited for her.  She is, of course, a genius. Straight up Mensa material. She’s creative and inquisitive, attentive and intuitive.  She will be great at school. It’s the teacher I’m worried about.

You see, with Marzano and Common Core and assessment after assessment after assessment creeping into even the earliest of grades, we've decided to homeschool this year. That means the buck stops here. I can’t blame district policies, or imperfect assessments, or the teachers, or the distracting influence of her peers if there’s some critical gap in The Bug’s education. It falls on me. And Pinterest assures me that without a dedicated homeschool room, I have no reason to believe we will learn anything at all this year.

Ryan understands.

But of course that’s ridiculous. First of all, we don’t need a homeschool room. In fact, aside from the fear that my house will be overrun with school supplies and science experiments, I kind of like the idea of NOT having a dedicated learning space. What better way to enforce the organic experience of finding teachable moments than to look for learning around the kitchen table or cuddled on the couch reading books or walking with a grocery list and a budget down the aisles of a Publix? Five-year-olds will learn simply because they are five.  They don’t need a classroom setting to tell them it’s time to pay attention.  Kids are paying attention all the time.  That’s what makes parenting such a challenge.

Secondly, it doesn't ALL fall on me.  Yes, I’m the teacher.  Yes, we have goals for the year.  And yes, we will try to stick to the plan. But you know what? I don’t have to do everything THIS YEAR.  It’s kindergarten, not college. I have the privilege of being home with my children every day and seeing their eyes light up when they learn something new. I can enjoy delight directed learning and nurturing curiosity in my children’s individual interests. I don’t need to feel pressured to try to implement every curriculum or mirror every system I read about.

So those bad butterflies?  I figured out how to get them to shut up. I’m going to remember that I homeschool to meet the needs of my family, and that I’m not competing with you, your child, the public school system, the expensive private school down the street, or every blogger on the internet. I’m going to pray for our school year, lean on God’s grace, and keep my freezer stocked with dark chocolate. And at the end of the day, I’m going to fall into bed exhausted and thankful for another day with these precious children because I know in my heart this is what I’m supposed to do.


And because it's late and I like to laugh please enjoy this video: